I’m thinking I’ve got this suffering thing backwards…
It’s so easy to rely on God when things are going wrong. It’s natural. It’s a gut instinct. A knee-jerk reaction.
A year ago, when the brakes went out on our trailer and it began pushing our SUV down the steep hill toward the ditch, the Hail Mary just automatically started coming from my lips.
Then when the SUV broke down, stranding us as we were moving to Vermont, I prayed constantly until we were on the road again.
And then, after Vermont didn’t work out and we moved all the way back to Oklahoma, with no job lined up, no savings, and 3 small children… well, those months of getting settled were some of the closest I’ve ever felt to God.
Suffering brings us in. Like lambs, the Good Shepherd sometimes has to break our legs so that we learn to depend on Him. But He doesn’t leave us there. Eventually things turn around. Problem get resolved. Jobs are found. Plans are made. And before we know it, we’re on our feet again.
That’s where I find myself at right now. We bought some land. We have a bit extra every month to buy some building materials. We’re healthy and happy.
And It’s terrifying.
See, now that I’m back on my metaphorical feet, it’s sooooo hard to pray!
My mind is drifting when we say the Rosary. Instead of focusing on the mysteries, I’m dreaming of goats, counting cinder blocks or planning fruit trees.
When I “meditate” on Our Lady’s Sorrows, it’s without much feeling.
Have you ever been here? Do you ever find yourself forgetting just how much we need God the moment life starts going well?
The thing is, He wants us to rely completely on Him ALWAYS! That’s why He allows us to be broken sometimes. Not just so we’ll lean into Him then. But so we’ll learn to keep leaning into him. To hit our “reset” buttons. To give our souls the rest of His arms.
I wonder if we don’t usually see this all backwards? I wonder if the “hard times,” from the perspective of our souls, are actually the rest periods. While the “Good times” are the real battlefront?
Will the real test of our love for Him be how well we relied on Him when we weren’t suffering?
I would love to hear how you combat this!
And my challenge, if you’ve never thought about it before, is to really examine your heart. Are you relying completely on God, even in the good times?
In the Heart of Mary,